His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
