Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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