Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
