the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
