there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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