So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
