what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
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When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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