She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
