im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
