she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
