his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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