I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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