am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
