Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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