I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
