Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
