That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
