If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you win again, gameday.
the day after is always just damage control
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I didn't notice because vodka
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
