Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So much rum. So many feels.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
