My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize