Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
