I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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