a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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