when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
