Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
