Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize