I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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