I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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