so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
