you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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