Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
