Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
