You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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