I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
