Pappa wants mamma naked
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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