woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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