i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
