if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
