someone threw a dead crab at me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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