So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
