It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
