Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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