Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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