I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket