she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Michael Bay diarrhea
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.