I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.