I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.