I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
