he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
