I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
