suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
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