Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
