Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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