I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
