FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
