Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
