his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
