It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
