WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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