ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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