dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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