Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
