My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
