his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
God, I missed his penis.
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