you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
