You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
