I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
